Today is the first day of what I hope will be a rest of my life journey. And it’s not even a Monday – or the first of the month!! If I had to count how many times I’ve started a new diet, I’d be a billionaire – seriously. I’ve spent the better part of my life living in a prison of my own making. Every hour is spent obsessing about how fat I am, how ugly I am, that everyone is judging me. But every hour is also spent thinking about what I am going to eat next. I feel guilty about every single bite of food I put into my mouth and I don’t understand why I can’t just stop eating and lose the weight once and for all.
Because of my life-long yo-yo dieting, my metabolism is basically shot. I am pretty sure that I am insulin-resistant, I am deficient in iron and vitamin D, my hair is falling out, I’m sure I have some kind of thyroid issue, my joints are stiff and I can’t climb a single flight of stairs without getting winded. And yet I continue to put crap into my body, day in and day out. I continue to be miserable day in and day out. When I really sit and think about it, it is beyond depressing that I’ve spent 30 years of my life being miserable about my weight, hating my body, being self-conscious. It really has been like living in a prison. The cold hard truth is that I am a food addict but mostly I am a carb and sugar addict. And my body certainly does not need sugar to survive.
I need to realize that I can’t deny myself food. I can’t just not eat. I’ve tried that too haha! and it never works. I can’t starve myself, but I do have the choice of WHAT to eat. So my words of “wisdom” to myself today are these:
First and foremost, STOP EATING CRAP. Take a breath. You can do this. You can’t NOT do this. Your life depends on it. Enough is enough.